Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Expectations
What are some of the expectations you have heard that men have of women? (and vice versa--women have of men) in romantic relationships? Are they realistic/fair? What are some of the expectations you have of your significant other? Do these create perpetual rifts/cycles in your relationship? What is your advice as to how to help deal with this divisions caused by certain expectations in relationships? Where should the line be drawn as to what expectations are ok to expect from your significant other/of the relationship and when do these expectations become just you living/looking for to fulfill your fantasy/get your own selfish fix? Comment.
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Here are some things my friends told me....
ReplyDeleteexpectations guys have of women:
virgin (so he can write their sexual script)
thin/model body
cook well
play the piano/"refined"
soft-spoken
loves him the same/with all their heart like he
loves her (know without a doubt that the
girl he loves, loves him the same way, like
no other girl
expectations women have of men:
strong/sculpted bodies
lots of money
nice car (sports car usually)
will pay for lots of vacations
let's her go to the beauty salon every other day
church on sunday
personal trainer
sex/intimacy
straight white teeth
no naked girls on the computer
I think your list of expectations is pretty good. I would say that expectations are unrealistic or unfair when they are made with all men or all women in mind. Expectations need to be based on a specific relationship so you can create expectations that are reasonable within the relationship. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for failure.
ReplyDeleteWithout going into specifics, I do have some expectations of my partner that cause perpetual rifts/cycles in our relationship. We recognize that and both of us are working on addressing both the expectations and the behaviors that the expectations involve. None of our ideas are permanent solutions. But I think it's important to accept (and I'm starting to) that there will rarely be a permanent fix in relationships. You have to be willing to keep adapting behavior as new problems come up.
Also, I'd be more willing to share on this blog if it were possible to comment anonymously.
I disagree..... "Love" said as the first thing to be a "virgin to write their sexual script". Obviously sex is the number one priority in that relationship...At least for him.... I agree somewhat with merry. I think that in a relationship each person brings two things to break it down..... Problems and Solutions. Each person has their own set. A relationship works when those match and are utilized to benefit both parties. Having sex with my wife may be painful for her. I dont think that my "need to be sexually satisfied is justified in that context.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with merry when she says "there will rarely be a permanent fix in relationships." If you mean by permanant that there are no more of the same problems...maybe... but if you mean that problems come up in different ways, well then yes.
There is never one problem and one solution. There can be one probleme and many solutions, or many problems and one solution.
I feel that every realtionship has its own needs with their own problems and solutions. Duncan phrased it well when he said, "there can be one problem and many solutions, or many problems and one solution." It something that each relationship has to be able to front, putting self interests aside. I also feel that the expectations a woman has in a man, and a man in a woman are not everyone's expectations. Not everyone is going to look for the rock hard abs or the thin model figure, even though they might hope it. The expectations I have physically are not as important as the personal expectations I have in my future wife. Sometimes I feel we forget to really think about what we want in our relationships, and when we do actually think about it, we find a better relationship.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I think about with expectations is that there are some that are reasonable and others that are unreasonable. I'm not saying I've personally been able to differentiate between the two, it's definitely hard, but I find when I'm able to I'm a happier me.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought while thinking about this topic revolved around unreasonable expectations. Speaking for myself, it seems like it would be nice to be with someone exactly like myself because they would do things exactly the way I like things to be done; that seems nice right? But I'm sure even the novelty of that would eventually get boring because they would never surprise me and there wouldn't be any adventure, but at least things would be done the way I like them. That's one expectation I've run into the most, especially when I examine myself; that people want their partner to do things the way THEY do them; there's only one way to crack an egg; only one way to butter bread; only one way to tie your shoes. People are expected to be themselves while NOT being themselves.
That is just one type of expectations though. I do believe there are natural expectations that are healthy such as the man should provide for his family monetarily, physically; that's not to say their partner can't provide as well, but it just seems like that's the male's primary objective. I mean it's possible that the roles could be reversed; bumper sticker that reads "Soccer Dad", or a bunch of other things, but then I picture an image of my dad doing all the things my mom has done; it's just... weird.
Those are my thoughts - healthy vs. unhealthy expectations.